Big thanks to the three friends who forwarded this story to me. This one is called "The Saddest Man in the World."
And it starts with a woman who caused a two-car collision in the Florida Keys.
As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.
Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area...
OK, I'm gonna stop right there and let that sink in for a second. For years, women drivers have had to fight stereotypical accusations of primping while driving. And yet this woman chose to piss all over two generations of feminist progress by trimming her va-jay on US-1.
And this is where it turns into "The Saddest Man in the World."
...a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.
"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said.
Yes, sir. The ex-husband took the wheel so his ex-wife could make her poon presentable for her boyfriend.
I don't care how badly you need that ride. This is not manly behavior. He should just live out his pathetic remaining years as a castrato.
And since this is FPOTN, it only gets better/worse:
If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.
The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation...
(High-pitched vibrato.) "Fuuuuuuuuuuucked."
Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy [the ex-husband], who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.
"She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," [state Trooper] Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' "
That's not really anything like "Who's on first?" but Trooper Dunick gets a pass because cops are never funny. So not only did the ex-husband agree to aid and abet this woman's pubic maintenance for her tryst with another man, he then tried to take the fall for her? SAD SAD SAD.
"My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said. "It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."
The Keys: The proud heart of the Pride of the Nation.
Recent Comments