Last Friday night during my annual visit to Pride-of-the-Nation, I was shuffling down a quiet back street in the ever-upscaling Coconut Grove, ready to head back to my pa's house following a hysterical comedy show at the Improv. (Pablo Francisco -- good shit, like a Latino Michael Winslow on coke.) There I was, minding my own business, trying to get home without getting knifed by a high school girl for nipple-piercing money. You know, Friday in Dade.
From the darkness, I heard a loud SMASH just out of view. I hurried down the sidewalk to see that a gigantic Chevy Avalanche with dark-tinted windows had bashed hard into the rear of a parked Chrysler. The truck didn't move as I walked towards it, but it just teetered a bit. It was mostly undamaged, while the parked Chrysler looked like it had been struck by a late-arriving chunk of Skylab.
Suddenly, the truck driver turned his wheels... Was he going to flee?
Yup. The monstrous machine barrelled down Tiger Tail St., and sped off into the night.
I got the license plate.
Maybe 10 seconds after reporting the hit-n-run, a cruiser pulled up and checked it out. "We got him. He was DUI," the five-oh said. Apparently, an unmarked car was camping out right behind the offender when he decided to bail.
Bail. Heh. The dick will need that.
To put a cap on the evening, a few minutes after the first officer arrived, the unmarked cop car pulled up. It was a blue Honda Odyssey, the kind that shuttles future Republicans to lacrosse and ballet. The drunk never had a chance.
Mostly, I felt bad for the poor schmuck who had parked his car -- a car that still had its temporary tags, no less -- on a supposedly quiet street. He was soon to have his whole weekend raped by goblins.
***
Other news from the Sunshine State: Dwight Gooden, a.k.a. Dr. K-ocaine, relapsed. Poor bastard.
The boys in blue should deputize you -- imagine, you and Shaq, fighting crime together. Or is he in LA? LA, Miami, SS/DD...
Along a different vein, my head's buried in the sand, having just purchased a Toyota Sienna minivan -- but it's to shuttle the future 3rd party President and her sidekick to gymnastics, soccer, Girl Scouts, etc. Fair enough?
Posted by: Rox | March 15, 2006 at 06:03 AM
Pablo Francisco is a god.
Posted by: TJ | March 15, 2006 at 07:21 AM