Bill Parcells likes his players conditioned to bring their A-game into overtime.
He also likes Boston Cremes and Vanilla Frappucinos and Lasagna-in-a-Bucket.
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Other headlines from today:
For those who have yet to revel in this joyful tussle, check out this scene following UAB's one-point home loss to #1 Memphis. Honestly, this picture is so awesome, it's replaced my daughter on my PC desktop. (Temporarily, okay?)
See the high-res version here and see if you can spot 75 amazing things. Here's a sample:
From today's "Can't Stop Watching This" file, I give you...
I am off for a long holiday weekend in the Pride of the Nation. My weekend picks (2-2 last week, 6-2 overall for the playoffs): Green Bay over Jersey by a little; New England over the Bolts' B-team by a lot.
My neighbor handed me two tickets to yesterday's 49ers game. Killer seats: 40-yard-line, lower deck, row 3. But he and his wife were as ill as everyone else in this town, and they couldn't find any friends to take the seats.
Well, it was my birthday, and I'd be damned if I was going to spend it watching punts at the 'Stick. So I sent out some messages -- no takers. Anybody want free goddamned 49ers seats? Third row?
Finally, I posted them on Craigslist for $5 each (a 93% discount off face value). Curtis from San Jose called 30 minutes later. Plugged my address into the GPS, and said he was on his way.
He never showed. I couldn't blame him.
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For some mysterious reason, I enjoy killing valuable time on Polling Point polls. Today's poll featured an interesting thought exercise about the presidential race.
I had to rank eight of the candidates on whether I thought they embodied the following qualities: Competent, Religious, Bold, Mature, Intelligent, Shows good judgment, Moral, A strong leader, Says what he [sic] believes, Reliable, Honest. Basically 11 qualities you really want in the ever-diminishing role of Leader of the Free World (although "Religious" isn't a slam dunk for everyone).
Hillary's name popped first. After ruminating upon the past 16 years, I could only check Competent, Mature, Intelligent, and Reliable. Some of them -- Bold, Says what [s]he believes -- even seemed anathema to her.
Naturally, a simple tally of personal qualities isn't any better way to work out your voting tactics than one of those silly candidate calculators. (They keep telling me I'm a Romneyite or a Gravelista.) But at this point in the campaign, I still have to wonder what the phuck people find appealing about Hillary Clinton, the candidate for president. It's was mysterious to me even 18 months ago when I projected trouble for the inevitable Hillary campaign, because I couldn't find anybody who was particularly enthusiastic about her.
At this point, I have actually met a few Hillary backers and money harvesters, and they're invariably business big-hitters trying to get behind a winner, or middle-aged women in senior management who are thrilled about the prospect of shattering the ultimate glass ceiling. And Republicans are so depressed and freaked out about the prospect of her taking the Oval Office, that "I can beat Hillary" has surpassed "I will protect America from Iran" or "I will convert gays and deport Muslims" as their candidates' primary selling point.
If you go back and look at how I projected the 2008 presidential race 18 months ago, you'll notice that I'm no better at predicting politics than anyone on The McLaughlin Group. But this I know: since 1960, the dawn of the television age, the more charismatic and authentic candidate has won** every single election.
Hillary's persona is forced and measured, more like the last two Democratic candidates than the prior winning one. So, which of the running Republicans does she beat on authenticity and charisma?
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If you're an air-breathing, land-living, food-eating, live human, the environment has to be your number one issue for 2008. So here are how the Republican candidates for president are addressing the issue of "The Environment" on their websites during primary season:
OK, I'll shut up now. Hillary in '08!
** 2000 election requires technical definition of "won."
It's history in the making tomorrow!
Saturday's Notre Dame-Duke game may be the worst nationally televised game in sports history.
Both teams are 1-9 this season, and the matchup features the nation's 115th-ranked offense in Duke and Notre Dame's 119th and last-ranked offense. It's a Notre Dame home game, though, so NBC will carry the game nationwide.
(source)
Have pity and watch. Like you have something better to do on the Saturday before Thanksgiving
Herm Edwards (nincompoopish KC Chiefs head coach) on a diss rap allegedly recorded by Larry Johnson:
"Here's the concern -- in our society now, so many things come up on Web sites and Internet," Edwards said. "First of all, I don't even have the Internet. I wouldn't even know how to use it."
Having watched HBO's Hard Knocks this season, Herm's inability to use the Innernets seems about as surprising as Britney Spears not being able to read a soup can. Here's a hint, Herm: The Internet is not like a dump truck. It's a series of tubes.
And thank you for validating my "pick against Herm" strategy in this season's suicide pool.
(Word to Football Outsiders for the find.)
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The most brutal, dastardly bench-clearing brawl in baseball history:
I'm sorry, did I miss the flash mob memo?
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You want to hang up your clothes to dry? Get out my neighborhood, hippie!
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OOPS!
Via Valleywag.
I dig Seattle. I really do. I'd totally live there if it weren't the furthest possible point in the lower 48 from the Motherland. Oh, to be one of those carefree US Americans who do not have maps.
The Emerald City is something special, surrounded on all sides by water and mountains, cloaked in cedars and pines. Seattle lives up to its best stereotypes -- the coffee obsession, the beards, the mountain bikers, the smack junkies. God bless Seattle. It would be a damn shame if the whole region were to be buried in white-hot pyroclactic boulders and ash.
In my prior travel post, astute commenter Asa left:
I note that several of these shots could be submitted to Vice's "Do's and Don'ts." Mostly "Don'ts."
Thank you, Asa. The only problem is that I'm such a fashion retard that I usually can't tell a Do from a Don't until I read the hilarious, hilarious copy.
So, help me out with this precious specimen posted up at Pike Street Market. Do, or Don't?
The cigarette holder. The hat that implies non-civilian authority. The ear hair that protects field mice from owls. I say, DO!
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On another topic: Deadspin's Dan Shanoff suggested that any college football poll voter who put Michigan in its top 25 should be kicked out of the poll.
There is no reason that, with more than 60 NCAA teams that actually won their season-openers (most against -- gasp! -- 1-A opponents), a team that is 0-1 with that one loss coming to a 1-AA team (again: at home!) should be ahead of 25 [sic, should be 35] of them
Lo and be-freaking-hold, Michigan effectively ranked 27th (yes, barely out of the official rankings) on the USA Today coaches' poll, and still got plenty of AP votes. At this point, I can't even claim to understand what the polls are supposed to mean if a home loss to Appalachian State still keeps you on many voters' top 25 lists.
And this will be one of the last punts kicked to DeSean Jackson this season. Good golly.
Some people are saying that Joe Lieberman has lost his got damn mind. You be the judge:
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Some people are saying the GOP is hoping to make serious inroads among African American voters in 2008. You be the judge:
Yes, the NAACP Republican candidates' forum consisted of Tom Tancredo and nine empty lecterns. It's as if Kanye West is running the RNC.
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Chris Chambers' Publicist's Remarks on His Client's DWI Arrest
To the press, the fans, and Dolphins ownership,
I know that you are disappointed in my client, the superior wide receiver Chris Chambers. But you shouldn't be. The problem is not Mr. Chambers. The problem is the Charlotte Police Department.
The Charlotte PD is, in a word, amok. My client was innocently enjoying a pleasant Friday night in Carolina, trying to squeeze in a last mojito before the annual heat-rape that is Dolphins training camp. And as we have all heard by now, the jack-booted po-po hauled my client away with a DWI in spite of a blood alcohol level of 0.6.
Some have suggested that my client, an accomplished athlete who for the seventh consecutive year is poised for a breakout season, should be embarrassed about failing the physical and mental sobriety tests while legally sober. But he has perfectly good excuses. For example, let's look at the unfairly negative media reports:
Chambers... initially refused to take the test at the scene of the arrest. He later blew an .06 -- which is below the legal limit of .08 in North Carolina -- when he arrived at the jail, a police report said.
Look, my client is like a lot of you were back in school. He's good, but he just doesn't test well. Remember when that stupid and biased trig teacher gave you a C because you bombed her stupid final? My client did what you should have done back then -- he skipped the test, and tried to rely on the quality of his other work. It's not his fault the police are stupid and biased like your trig teacher.
And .06? That's barely a Michelob Ultra. That's half a swig of Robitussin. Back to the reports:
During the ''ABC'' test, the officer instructed Chambers to begin with the letter J and end with W. Blanton wrote that Chambers "missed letters and got letters out of sequence, among other indicators.''
If not knowing the alphabet is a crime, then go ahead and lock up every skill position player in the Big 10 and Big 12. Remember: my client was not even drunk.
He was also given a ''Walk and Turn'' test, but Blanton noted Chambers ''kept starting before being told to start.'' He would then "walk about 15 steps then just stop.''
My client, in spite of being one of the NFL elite-any-minute-now receivers, has never been known for his precise route-running. And with good reason. Imagine for a moment that you were a brain surgeon in an earthquake-heavy region like Paso Robles. Every day you'd crack open some yokel's head and meticulously manipulate the tissue, all while the earth was shaking like Andy Rooney. Can you imagine what that might do to your brain surgery technique? That is what six years of catching balls from Jay Fiedler, Ray Lucas, A.J. Feeley, Sage Rosenfels, Brian Griese, Gus Frerotte, Cleo Lemon, Daunte Culpepper, and Joey Harrington did to my client.
In sum, let's give my client a break. He did not shoot a strip club bouncer, electrocute a dozen pitbulls, or record a rap album. He's just a little clumsy and illiterate. And if those people aren't allowed to drive, then enjoy life after taxis.
Before we begin: GO WARRIORS! That was phenomenal. Basketball is now jazz. The Mavs defined every reason I stopped watching pro hoops around the turn of the millenium, and the Warriors why the Association has brought me back, at least until they're inevitably whacked, and some slow-ass team wins another boring championship.
OK, now onto the less consequential stuff.
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After watching the unwieldy, ludicrous battles-royale that they called the first 2008 Presidential Debates, I can say one thing: We're in a whole heapa trouble.
(Also, can we not call these events "debates"? They're no more "debates" than they are telenovelas or crush films.)
Last night's GOP show was especially painful -- four of the 10 white Christian men were either nuts, rock-stupid, or both, and the bang-bang-bang format rewarded soundbites at the expense of everything else. We did learn that seven of the 10 believe in science evolution, which was refreshing. But we also learned the great failing of candidates who come from the US Senate, and not just because McCain was all squinty and foul-tempered.
For example, did you know that the primary advantage that senators have over former governors and mayors is foreign policy knowledge and experience? Well, Sam Brownback will set you straight. Warning: This is the single dumbest thing said during the 2008 race, except maybe Jim Gilmore saying he's qualified to be President because he eliminated the Virginia car tax.
Sen. Brownback: I think you have to remember that while we're in a war on terrorism, there are a number of people that are with us, that work with us around the world, and also in the Islamic world. We're partnering with a number of moderate Muslim regimes.
And that's something I think we need to convey into the Muslim world as well, that these are groups -- the Al Qaida group, the militant Islamic fascists -- they're trying to unseat moderate Muslim regimes.
And I think we need to engage those regimes -- regimes in Pakistan, regimes in Egypt...
You see, we need to convey to the Muslim world that America is working closely with two moderate Muslim governments, both of which are military dictatorships that repress all dissent with violence and rigged elections. Once the Muslims understand this, we'll totally win them over.
And as for the Democrats...
Continue reading "God Save Us from Your Candidates for Higher Office" »
Is Whitney Houston running the reservation system at Orbitz? I was researching flights to Dublin next fall, and this was the third-cheapest one that Orbitz delivered.
For the record, that's San Francisco to Las Vegas, 40 minute layover, to Chicago, 10 hour overnight layover, to Charlotte, 7 hour layover, to Philly, 100-minute layover, to Dublin, Total travel time: almost 35 hours.
Return trip: Dublin to Philly, 85-minute layover, to Charlotte, two hour layover, to Phoenix, 11-hour overnight layover, to SF. Total travel time: 30 hours.
That's seven stops between endpoints, 65 hours of time in planes and airports. Supersonic.
For 30 bucks less, you could fly SF to Heathrow, 90-minute layover, to Dublin.
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Finally, how much do we miss Bobby & Whitney? And how awesome is The Soup (nee Talk Soup) again?
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Mere minutes before the 2007 NFL playoffs commence, here are my weekend picks. I went 7-3 last season vs. the spread. Not too shabby, eh? (For some reason I skipped picking the Big Game. Go fig.)
Before we start, let's note the stat that matters most this postseason. This was supposed to be the year when the sad, sad NFC caught up to the AFC in play quality, but in 2006 the AFC playoff teams went 21-3 against the NFC, while the NFC playoff teams only went 10-14 against the AFC. In fact, the Cowboys were the only team in the entire NFC with a winning record against the other conference. Yes, Dallas was the tallest midget.
1. KC +7 at Indianapolis: The Chiefs have the best workhorse runningback in the league. The Colts have the softest rushing defense in modern NFL history. Chiefs run, run, run. Colts forced to slow down their offense to give their D a rest. It won't be as high-scoring as you think. Also, Peyton Manning is not Mr. January.
2. Dallas +3 at Seattle: Both teams come limping into the playoffs, with the Cowboys suffering a humiliating home loss to Detroit. Seattle's defensive backs are on life support, just in case their run defense wasn't spongey enough. Dallas wins. Also, Super Bowl losers always collapse the next year -- Seattle making the playoffs is more a function of the NFC West's sorrow than anything else.
3. New York +8.5 at New England: The Patriots are the sleeper team in the AFC, but the Jets won their last game in Foxboro, and lost by a mere 7 at home in September. They don't match up great on paper, but Mangini has shown Belichickian game-planning skills. The Patriots win the first post-season Wesleyan Bowl, but the Jets keep it close.
4. Philadelphia -7 vs. New York: Philly's the hottest team in the NFL, led by an explosive, Garcia-based passing game. They won six straight against NFC opponents. The Giants' defense is as average as it can get, and the uber-average Eli Manning is their QB.
It's not too late to call your bookie, which is illegal, and I do not condone.
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Update (Sunday night): 3-1 straight up, only 1-3 vs. the spread. I told you not to call your bookie.
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