rangelife

Running = Doing

BART Triptych, last Wednesday:

The Universe is Shaped Exactly Like the Earth

...and both are shaped exactly like the San Francisco Department of Public Health.

"BIRTH & DEATH LINE BEGINS HERE"

And that's how the world begins.
And that's how the world will end.

***

I actually forced myself to suffer an entire excretion of Fox News's "1/2 Hour News Hour" last evening, and I can report that it was significantly less funny than last week's 24. Seriously, Jack Bauer needs to incorporate a DVD of last night's 1/2HNH into his interrogation kit in case that Russian diplo doesn't give up Dmitri Gredenko tonight. One viewing of the "To Catch a Pre-School Predator" sketch will get more information than any broken fingers or nerve toxins.

Torturous bits included:

• A recurrence of the President Limbaugh, Vice President Coulter sketch. The joke was that after four months in office, everything was right with the world, a premise directly ripped off from SNL's "President Gore" sketch last May. Unfortunately, the long lead time for 1/2HNH precluded Coulter from calling a Hillary Clinton a "ching-chong-Chinaman." (Actually, that might not be a bad SNL sketch character -- Ann Coulter branding people with non-sequitur slurs: "Al Sharpton, you dirty Jew midget wop.")
• An it-came-from-the-'80s interview with a child psychologist about why all recess games like tag and dodgeball are damaging to self-esteem. Stuart Pankin needs to sue the guy who played the psychologist to get his DNA back.
• Worst of the worst, an endless bit about terrorism suspects named Abdul Muhammed al-Hussein, Mohammed Sadiq Rachman, etc., and how nobody could figure out what linked them. The lists of Muslim names went on and on and on, the joke being that they're all Muslim terrorists, but because society is so P.C., no one will point out that their devotion to Islam has anything to do with it. This one joke went on for at least three minutes.
• And plenty of fake news. Sadly, the wack mock newscast on Studio 60 was funnier than this. Colin Quinn's "Weekend Update" was funnier than this. Hell, Wolf Blitzer is funnier than this.

And all the while, the raucous laff track rocked the house. Fortunately even a mere "1/2 Hour" is too much for Surnow, Cota, and Rice, and the closing credits ran a mere 24 minutes from the opening, including two commercial breaks.

***

Speaking of "Weekend Update," people like to bag on SNL these days, but this season has been significantly stronger than the last three or four. If anything, it's been worth it only to see great graphics like this one.

I won't even repeat the joke or the wire report that it's based on. Just enjoy the graphic and make up your own.

***

Finally, United Airlines loses college kid's luggage. United makes it a bitch to claim damages. Kid still tweaks out his full value of lost goods, one dildo at a time. Go, kid!

Sam Clam's Disco

I've bitched about it before, but the city really, really, really has do something about this kind of mess.

This malevolent ATM for the city government stands on Chenery Street near Glen Park. You break the invisible rules, that's another $100 for SFPD overtime.

***

So, that's some weird weather we've been having lately? Like sun fog. Really, sun fog. Dogs & cats living together.

Here's a lovely shot from Teresita Avenue in Miraloma (southwest of Twin Peaks). Yes, that's Mt. Diablo in the east...

...and yes, that's snow on it. Why oh why did San Franciscans bust asses to try to get the summer Olympics? The winter games have all the drama and diva-tastic bitchiness that this town can't get enough of. And hey look, snow!

***

I'm many months behind on my Mission news, and I was saddened to see ADS Hats closed up. (Of course, I later found out they just moved. Stupid Internet, not being there for me as I cha-cha down the sidewalk).

The weird thing about Valencia Street is that just as you're pondering the fate of an underdog small business, a Lamborghini pulls up and blocks your frame.

Finally, how do I get a job that involves metal grinding? Sparks are the best.

Happy weekend, sisters and brothers. Go do some salvia and shave your head.

Do This, Don't Do That. Can't You Read the Signs?

Did you know that if you walk down the west-side sidewalk of Beale Street south of Market, you're trespassing?

This plaque is in the middle of the walkway, near a plaza that borders three skyscrapers.

(Click on a pic to see 'em bigger.)

PRIVATE PROPERTY. PERMISSION TO PASS OVER REVOCABLE AT ANY TIME.

You read it. At the time of His choosing, The Man can force you to walk down the middle of the street.

Now get back to work.

Public Works

Back from Kauai. The 7,000 or so pics are being edited. In the meantime, here's a lovely street sign on Bosworth near Glen Park.

San Francisco is full of ridiculous signs like this. Note that the actual regulatory content of the sign -- the stuff that will earn you a $150 ticket for failing to comply -- has faded beyond legibility (except for the upside-down 8 that amended the content at some point in the distant past). The temporary sticker with the effective date, however, has weathered the past quarter century without issue.