Rangelife

Frank Chu seeking clean, social housemate. No crazies.

Frank Chu (the gentleman with the poetry above) is looking for a housemate. One he could date, maybe.

For a piddlin' $150 per month, you get your own room in Frank's house, just three blocks from Lake Merritt BART.

Given that some would pay $150 to just see the interior of Frank's house, this is a face-searing bargain!

But there might be a catch.

Chu would prefer you to be clean, "stable and more steady," and sociable, perhaps joining him to watch a movie at home or go out to the Metreon.

Oh, about the "going out" part, he says he'd prefer a female. "Maybe it's just a little easier to go out on a date. Instead of just all guys and all friends," he explains. But he added there's no pressure.

Whew, that's a relief. Sadly, Frank keeps all his signs in his room, and he promises not to bombard you with his paranoid stories at all hours.

Give Frank a call if you're interested. According to SF Weekly, his number is 4five9-9five81 in the nickel-and-dime.

$799,000: 3 BR, 2BA, Close to Shopping, Perfect for Vampires

Has the housing bubble popped in San Francisco? Yes, but not everyone's figured it out yet.

Fairly priced homes tend to move within a few weeks. But check out the listings around town, and you'll notice a plethora of homes sitting on the market since last winter. Some are desperate rescues of failed flips in grimy neighborhoods. Some have been divided and subdivided into oblivion. (Ever seen a 900-square-foot house with five bedrooms? Now I have.) And many are just grungy old homes that need new floors, fixtures, and $200,000 price reductions.

A perfect example of the latter case is this beaut, which has been on the market for 264 days with no action on its $799,000 price tag. Three bedrooms and a lot of work needed, in a nice but not particularly upscale neighborhood south of Sloat Blvd.

It looks like a lot of crappy old houses in SF, until you get downstairs and see this:

 

What's that on the right? Is that a mattress in there?

 

This is either where an undead creature spends its day, or the world's smallest unwarranted inlaw. Don't ask the Realtor which. She doesn't know.

But at least they've finally started including the picture of this "feature" in the listing. Maybe a vampire can afford the $159,800 required down payment.

Overheard in San Francisco

On Market Street, near New Montgomery, two camera-wielding tourists (not pictured above) are courageously chatting with Frank Chu (center). One of them asks:

"So, where do you get your information?"

SF WTF? Manty Hose

NO! No no no no no no no nonononononono.

Worst day care ever

Worst day care ever

This apartment dweller is actually talking about his many, many cats. Which is "SF WTF?" in its own way.

Oh no Fiona!

She represents you. Why would you do that?

Fiona Ma's TwitterBerry

The JEB campaign begins... now

Florida crazy + San Francisco crazy = Jeb! Bush for President 2012!!!

And we can thank this gentleman for reminding us very explicitly that Jeb once governed the Pride of the Nation.

By the way, Jeb Bush's real name is John Ellis Bush. So "Jeb" is really a bastardization of his initials JEB. Who does that remind me of? Oh yes.

High-speed disaster

Perps: If you're going to lead police on a high-speed chase, don't choose Ocean Avenue. Maybe something with a little more elbow room?

Hey, look, the entire SFPD is on the scene. Bank tellers and liquor store owners, maybe you should close up for a while.

San Francisco Politics, Powered by Marijuana

A few years ago, David Cross recorded a decent stand-up bit called "Great Ideas I Conceived While I Was High." (And don't we all have some version of that list?) Some of them are actually decent, like the "classy" pizza delivery service that charges a little extra, but your pizza arrives in a limo.

San Francisco politics, every day, seems like a version of "Great Ideas While High," and usually the chemical agents are primo Humboldt. But many SF Stoners are too old for videogames. So they actually go out and execute.

And sometimes, you get a gem like this:

San Francisco Group Proposes George W. Bush Sewage Plant

A California group submitted a proposal Monday to rename a sewage treatment plant after President Bush, calling the initiative a fitting tribute to the outgoing chief executive and the "mess" he'll leave behind.

The Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco wants to switch the name of the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant to the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

Supporters hoping to put the issue on the November ballot turned in more than 10,000 signatures to San Francisco election officials, organizer Brian McConnell said. The measure needs just over 7,000 valid names to qualify and McConnell expects to find out later this month whether they made it

Brilliant!

For the record, I generally despise the ballot initiative process and its near guarantee of failed outcomes. But my signature is one of those 10,000. I can't wait to honor our president. I hope he comes to the ribbon cutting.

The Greatest Thing I've Ever Purchased

The man was running the tiniest of garage sales in the Marina -- a table, a chest, a couple knick-knacks. But also this.

He said he bought this beaut off Frank Chu, the legend himself, in a bar a couple years ago. Is it real? I've looked at hundreds of examples on Flickr, and I'm pretty sure this work is authentic. It even still has the tape remnants from where Frank hung his back-of-the-placard ad.

Seven bucks for this lesser-known masterpiece. I will frame it. I will treasure it. Always.

***

For non-locals, read about Frank Chu on Wikipedia.