Remember the worst thing that ever happened to you on Muni? That was naptime at a posh suburban pre-school compared to this:
Elena Aronson says she was riding a Muni bus to
work back on April 6 on Van Ness Avenue when a man sitting next to her
fixed his gaze on her teeth, and said, "I want them."
"He kept saying how my teeth were beautiful, like the moon and the stars," she recalled. Aronson, who grew up riding buses on the South Side of Chicago and
later in New York, had never encountered anything quite like it. She
decided to make a quick exit.
The next thing Aronson recalls is being on her knees outside the
bus, bleeding profusely from her torn lip -- with her two upper front
teeth missing.
Good god.
Muni crime has been a white-hot topic in SF lately, and it looks like mayor-in-waiting Bevan Dufty plans to make bus-phobia a primary issue when the campaign kicks off. In the meantime, SFPD is going to try something crazy and new:
Deputy Police Chief John Murphy, Muni's new security
boss, detailed plans to improve security on the transit system. He said
that instead of having officers randomly board buses, they will be
deployed according to a "zone strategy." Basically, that means tracking
Muni crime hot spots and deploying officers accordingly.
When more broadly applied, the "zone strategy" has been one of the most effective anti-crime measures that police departments around America have tried. Here's the wild, out-of-the-box, Nobel-quality brainstorm at its core: sending cops to patrol where the most crimes happen. In other news, doctors are now experimenting with treating appendicitis by removing the appendix, instead of any random organ.
In the meantime, if you must ride Muni, remember to keep your iPods, jewelry, and incisors hidden.
Chu would prefer you to be clean, "stable and more steady," and
sociable, perhaps joining him to watch a movie at home or go out to the
Metreon.
Oh, about the "going out" part, he says he'd prefer a female. "Maybe
it's just a little easier to go out on a date. Instead of just all guys
and all friends," he explains. But he added there's no pressure.
Whew, that's a relief. Sadly, Frank keeps all his signs in his room, and he promises not to bombard you with his paranoid stories at all hours.
Give Frank a call if you're interested. According to SF Weekly, his number is 4five9-9five81 in the nickel-and-dime.
For those who aren't familiar with recent SF politics (or those who have quite understandably chosen to forget), Gonzalez was the Green who challenged Gavin Newsom for mayor in 2003, resulting in the most savage example of leftist-vs.-liberal tribal warfare ever seen outside Northern Europe.
So now we know who'll be complaining about being excluded from the Vice Presidential debate between Gary Hart and Charlie Crist this fall.
Of the 20 or so
people at the cafe signing up to canvass for Gonzalez, about a quarter
were better-than-average-looking women in their 20s and 30s. I don't
mean beads 'n' patchouli good-looking, mind you; this core Gonzalez
constituency wouldn't have been out of place in a liquor ad. Several of
them stood around looking mildly nervous until the candidate
approached, whereupon they lit up, talked enthusiastically, and
gestured emphatically as if on a first date, until Gonzalez excused
himself and moved on to someone else, whereupon they went back to
looking downcast.
It appears that by accident the city's political left wing has happened
upon a gold mine: single, straight, disenfranchised San Francisco
women.
Will their Obama crush survive the return of a past love? Ladies and gentlemen, San Francisco is now in play.
If you ever serve jury duty or go to a public meeting in San Francisco, have a look around, and try to estimate what percentage of the people in the room are utterly batshit. I have, and I'm going with an average of 41% crazy.
Sure, every city in the world has its share of crackhead gadflies, paranoid shut-ins, and Dragonmasters, but what really sets San Francisco's crazies apart is their sense of political entitlement. Our insane, druggy liberal-Democrat-vs.-progressive-Green rancor pretty much keeps Fox "News" in business; woe to News Corp shareholders when Bill O'Reilly's prayed-for WMD attack actually wipes us off the map. He'll have to pick on poor, defenseless Portland.
But if you think that our political nutjobbery ends with naked mayoral candidates, you are sadly mistaken, my friend. The great irony of San Francisco's lefty political landscape is that its shiniest crackpot is a Republican leader, Gail Neira.
I've shared the great gifts that Ms. Neira shares with the San Francisco citizenry before every election, her majestic, jingoist, world-going-to-hell-in-a-yukbucket arguments against ballot initiatives. Well, this week Ms. Neira, in full Santa regalia, hosted a call-it-Christmas GOP dinner which was supposed to culminate with a non-binding, utterly meaningless San Francisco presidential straw poll.
But things didn't work out exactly as Ms. Neira planned, or her apparent candidate of choice, Fred Thompson.
That's right -- Gail unilaterally canceled the straw poll because too many Ron Paul supporters showed up after dinner and paid the required $5 to vote. Allowing them to vote would obviously be unfair to those who paid the full $33 for the delicious meal. And if the Paulers threw in another $28 each? Nope, still unfair. There must have been something in the food that purified their votes.
Naturally, the Paul people are pissed about how their insurgent is being treated by the Establishment. Hell, Chris Matthews is literally removing Paul from his network's poll results.
***
I was hella wrong about McCain, but I called Huckabee a year ago. I ranked him the #2 GOP candidate, behind Sen. McCain, who's looking more and more like this year's Morry Taylor (Anyone? Anyone?). I said:
Watch this guy -- The thundering Evangelicals on the right who think
McCain is the Devil will flock to Huckabee. Ordained Baptist minister
who also commutes more death sentences than
you might expect. Health nut and marathoner who lost 100 pounds.
Marriage nut. And he is -- seriously -- from a place called Hope,
Arkansas.
STUDENT: Recent polls show you surging... What do you attribute this surge to?
HUCKABEE:
There's only one explanation for it, and it's not a human one. It's the
same power that helped a little boy with two fish and five loaves feed
a crowd of five thousand people. (Applause) That's the only way that
our campaign can be doing what it's doing. And I'm not being facetious
nor am I trying to be trite. There literally are thousands of people
across this country who are praying that a little will become much, and
it has. And it defies all explanation, it has confounded the pundits.
And I'm enjoying every minute of them trying to figure it out, and
until they look at it, from a, just experience beyond human, they'll
never figure it out. And it's probably just as well. That's honestly
why it's happening.
In other words, God is working against the cross-dressing adulterer Giuliani and the blasphemer cultist Romney.
And I'm still pissed that Wes Clark is ho'ing for Hillary.
***
WaPo editorial on Romney's religion speech: So, no room for atheists in America?
***
Finally, in trying to find Wes Clark's site, I stumbled upon the site for Ron Moss for mayor of Buffalo. His platform is perfectly brilliant and brilliantly perfect.
2. I won't change anything that will affect anyone.
3. It is imperative that we preserve our past, because Buffalo's best days are behind us.
Ron Moss, I doubt you'll ever tire of life on the lake. But if you do, you've got a home in San Francisco.
Recent Comments