Rangelife

The weekend, she goes BOOM!

Mr Computer meets Mr Shotguns
Originally uploaded by d200 dug No censorship!.

Hey, it's Friday. Did you hear?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Egg Scrambler! With all your non-scrambling free time, you can finally get to know all your kids you've been avoiding.

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How and Why Athletes Go Broke

Former big league slugger Jack Clark filed for bankruptcy in July 1992 while still playing, listing debts of $6.7 million and ownership of 18 cars—17 of which still had outstanding payments.

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If you could go back in time 10 years, would you believe that someday Bobbie Battista would be hosting The Onion's funniest video segment, and Rick Sanchez CNN's most provocative news show?

In 2019, Wolf Blitzer will be hosting the daytime Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, and Ryan Seacrest will be the most trusted American since Walter Cronkite.

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Napping Nannas. The wrongest thing I've seen all year.

A 90-minute metaphor for our times

Last night's 10-11:30pm lineup on DirecTV's infomercial network

• MALE ENHANCEMENT
• CHARLTON HESTON PRESENTS 'THE BIBLE'
• OBAMA COIN

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Hey, want to get a saxophone hook in your head, one that will slaughter all other passing thoughts until 2009?

Yes, that's a sweet mashup of "Baker Street" and Seaworld. So Rafferty was the walrus all along?

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America's favorite monkey jockeys!

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How to come to grips with who you really are. For Tronsexuals only.

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Via the indispensable Adam Riff, say hello to the Slanket.

But don't say hello until January, because it is currently SOLD OUT. Recession?

Regrets are for Horseshoes and Handbags

I can't stop making album covers. Remember OR1L8, the Belgian industrial trio that kept caged weasels on stage?

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Gizmodo @ CES: 10 Reasons We're Doomed

Digital picture frames are essentially little flat-panel TVs with no tuners and a crappy frame wrapped around them. They then sit there, sucking up energy 24 hours a day, ruining our environment and making your living room look like the Fox News studio on the slowest news day in history.

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In Mike Judge's tragically neglected Idiocracy, the future America has essentially relegated water to the toilet, instead hydrating their population, their livestock, and even their crops with a Gatorade knockoff called Brawndo, the Thirst Mutilator. ("It's got electrolytes!")

In real life, Brawndo has taken its baby steps towards world domination. And according to its awesome first ad, Brawndo is like a monster truck you can pour into your face, and also simulates the feeling of crushing a human skull with your bare hands. Can I get a case?

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Does Ron Paul have Asperger's?

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Day-glo era porn star Nina Hartley:

I want to say to any young person reading this article: There will be no more Jenna Jamesons. There will be no more. Stop right now. Stay in school.

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Leave NYC alone! Ten Other Cities We'd Like to See Hollywood Destroy.

What? No Abilene?

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Bride orders, eats wedding cake that looks like herself.

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Watching The Wire with real thugs

Everyone felt that Marlo, Proposition Joe, or another high-ranking gang leader must have close (hitherto unexplained) ties with one of these two detectives. “Otherwise,” Kool-J, an ex-drug supplier from Northern New Jersey, observed, “there ain’t no way they could be meeting in a Holiday Inn!”

Did somebody say "Northern New Jersey"?

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Following my 4-0 Wild Card weekend: Seattle over Green Bay; Pats over Jags; Colts over Bolts; Giants over Jessica Simpson's STD.

Your Wildest Kucinich Fantasies

Wesleyan: most annoying liberal arts college in America? No, Sarah Lawrence. Thank you, Sarah Lawrence!

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Big Daddy Drew's 22 filthy stories about the Minnesota Vikings are sublime. They're almost making me root for the Minnesota Vikings, which is like almost making Sam Brownback tivo the Tony Awards.

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CNN/YouTube debate: Mildly amusing gimmick, or wasteful co-branding stunt? Discuss.

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The finest line of the event was Joe Biden, turning to Dennis Kucinich: "Dennis, the thing I like best about you is your wife."

Here's what he's talking about:

Remember, boys: Smokin' six-foot redheads love fey little vegans.

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TSA Gangstaz: Take ya laptops out ya bag.

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Are you watching Mad Men? Do you even know if you get AMC? It's a cable channel. Look up in the 200's, you'll find it.

Then watch Mad Men. Suits from the '50s. Values from the '50s. Drinking from the '50s. Theme song by RJD2.

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Why San Francisco real estate costs a zillion dollars a foot. This is summer.

If you're from a normal place in America, hit a chain clothing store while you're visiting us. The clearance racks are full of useless shorts and flimsy tops, just like they are every year.

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The official plot summary for the upcoming feature film Who's Your Caddy?

WHO'S YOUR CADDY? is a hilarious, fish-out-of-water comedy about superstar rap mogul, C-Note (Big Boi), who runs into fierce opposition when he tries to join the super stuffy Carolina Pines Golf & Country Club.  Undeterred, C-Note gets the brilliant idea to buy the land adjacent to the golf club's 17th hole, which he cleverly leverages to gain membership. C-Note's crew wreaks havoc as they bring their larger-than-life style to the club. As the club's hoighty-toighty leadership desperately tries to revoke C-Note's membership, our hero realizes that his family's honor - and secret record-breaking golf history - is at stake.  As he takes on the fight of his life, C-Note pulls out all the stops to bring down the club's backwards establishment and welcome them to the 21st century.

You think it ends with a big putt on the 18th hole? Why didn't they just call it Caddyblack? See, this review writes itself!

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Finally, sexy catalogs from the early '90s. Hubba.