rangelife

I'm MADD about GTA4!!!

Question: Mothers Against Drunk Driving is demanding that Take Two slap an AO rating on Grand Theft Auto IV because players can:

a. Execute police officers
b. Bang and then stab hookers
c. Carjack and then run over soccer dads
d. Drive drunk

But at least there's no explicit sex in this one.

***

We should all be damn glad that the press has had the stones to call bullshit on McCain's and Hillary's gas-tax-holiday plan (which they themselves stole from Bob Dole).

Friedman's take ("Dumb As We Wanna Be" -- way to paraphrase 2 Live Crew, Tommy boy!) was best:

This is not an energy policy. This is money laundering: we borrow money from China and ship it to Saudi Arabia and take a little cut for ourselves as it goes through our gas tanks.

The McCain-Clinton gas holiday proposal is a perfect example of what energy expert Peter Schwartz of Global Business Network describes as the true American energy policy today: “Maximize demand, minimize supply and buy the rest from the people who hate us the most.”

And what's this? A politician is airing an ad about not cutting taxes? Dogs and cats living together!

Yeah, that's nice. But where is his flag pin?

***

Now if you'll excuse me, my GTA4 arrived in the mail today. After I play for a while, I'm going to plant some flowers, volunteer at a leper shelter, and then maybe feed an adorable kitten.

I Wish the Year 2000 Were Still the Future

"Sound of silver, talk to me
Makes you want to feel like a teenager
Then you remember the feelings of
A real-life emotional teenager
Then you think again"
--LCD Soundsystem, "Sound of Silver," 2007

You ever have one of those moments of hopeless modern ennui when you wonder what the hell you were so moody about when you were a kid? I get that way whenever I read the news.

Well, WTF were we so moody about in the '90s? It was a killer decade. Is it too soon for nostalgia? For Chrissake, all I want is a Shady Lane.

***

OK, let's go back a little further. To elementary school. Reworked Atari box art.

(via Bullshit)

And... Little Brother vs. the Atari 2600

***

Finally, let's bring in the weekend with the best Canadian rap track I've heard... ever. "Fourth Biggest City" by that kid Famous. It's got a fantastic 1994-style vibe. It's the Goodfellas of Canadian rap videos. Worth repeated viewings.

Represent Toronto, Famous! Represent!

There is No Benefit in Killing Police Officers

In his 1996 run -- well, stumble -- for president, Bob Dole decided to prop up the movie Trainspotting as his obligatory campaign strawman for the depravity of modern culture. Bob Dole famously used part of a speech to decry Trainspotting's "glorification" of heroin use, leaving those who actually saw the movie to wonder which scene was more glorious -- the dive into the filthy toilet, or the dead baby. (Bob Dole went on to cite True Lies as a more family-friendly flick. No, seriously. Bob Dole hasn't been to a movie since Al Jolson got all chatty.)

Point being, Bob Dole had obviously never bothered to do any homework on Trainspotting before holding it up as an example of Edinburgh Hollywood immorality.

Michael Bloomberg, meet Bob Dole.

New York Balks at Next "Grand Theft Auto"

New York City's mayor has denounced the next version of Grand Theft Auto (GTA), for the violent game's resemblance to the metropolis. Although the game is set in fictional "Liberty City," trailers show familiar New York City landmarks, such as the Statue of Liberty, Coney Island's Cyclone, and the Brooklyn Bridge.

A spokesperson for Mayor Michael Bloomberg noted that the mayor does not support any video game where "you earn points for injuring or killing police officers."

OK, Mr. Mayor. I played GTA3. Also Vice City and San Andreas. I'm not a huge gamer, but the GTA series I like. So do the serious gamers -- in fact the GTA3 trilogy comprises three of Metacritic's six best-reviewed PS2 games ever, mostly because its design and storylines are immensely clever and non-linear.

Granted, GTA is amoral. It's devilish. It's ludicrous fantasy that's only suitable for emotionally stable grown-ups. The attention that the San Andreas hidden sex mod got from Hillary Clinton was absurd to anyone who's actually played the game; it was a little like complaining about the profanity in Naughty Nympho Nurses 9. Which, granted, was more than gratuitous.

Here's the other thing: Once and for all, in GTA, killing police officers is not an objective. In fact, if you kill a police officer, the game becomes far more difficult and unpleasant.

And here's another typically misguided contention about the game series:

Child advocacy groups and legislators seem to be Take-Two's biggest foes, complaining that the company produces the industry's most violent, mean-spirited games. In "Grand Theft Auto," players shoot pedestrians and police with reckless abandon.

Sadly, this description is from a straight news story. Again, if you "shoot pedestrians and police with reckless abandon," you won't advance at all in the game. I'm not defending GTA as something other than unseemly trash, but at least get the basic facts straight about the unseemly trash. Meanwhile, back to the Bloomberg story:

In other news reports, city council member Peter Vallone noted that setting the game in the "safest city in America would be like setting Halo in Disneyland."

Halo in Disneyland: I'm plotzing just thinking about its awesomeness.

Okay, so what's all the hubbub about? Peep the trailer for GTA IV, itself an unapologetic homage to the "Grid" sequence from Godfrey Reggio's Koyaanisqatsi.

October awaits... Tick tock.

Bring on the Major Leagues: Some Sick Pavement Fan Works at 2K Sports

As a casual gamer who dabbles in sports titles, I find that among the first settings I'll tweak every time is "SOUNDTRACK -- OFF". You see, after mere minutes of toss-off crunk, nu-metal, and teenie pop that the media conglomerates paid to place, I'm ready to smash my GameCube. But since I like the GameCube, I smash my radio instead, just out of spite.

But then I saw this ad in The Onion. My mind... It be blown.

(Click it to enlarge.)

Yes, the soundtrack features Interpol, Mogwai, Cornelius, Belle and Sebastian, Pavement, Yo La Tengo, GBV, and DJ Spooky.

WHAT? REALLY?

Are we believe that 2K6 Sports turned over its soundtrack responsibility to a 30-something indie nerd?

But it gets better. See who's on the rest of the MLB 2K6 soundtrack. Yes, not only Pavement, but also its two spin-offs.

And... Belle and Sebastian, the twee-est, fey-est of the twee-fey? Yo La Tengo, the favorite of dead record store clerks everywhere? Mogwai's slow-build noise symphonies? Interpol's minor chord dirges? Associated with sports?

The rigorous market research that went behind this decision reveals much about the character of Major League Baseball. Although the players may look indistinguishable from, say, the stars of the WWE these days, their fans -- especially the ones who would invest the time in "Franchise Mode" -- are and will remain geeks with scoring sheets and a taste for sensitive rock and roll.

God bless us. I mean, them.

Mobile Game Hall of Fame

Were you a Merlin maniac?

Here's an awesome, awesome, awesome list of the 50 greatest handheld games in history, as printed in Chris Null's wicked-kool Mobile mag. The best shit is the retro shit.

Head-to-Head Football (1979)
If you're playing any multiplayer game these days, when you get your ass beat you can throw your controller across the room. H2H Football was two controllers and display all attached together, so sore-losing little brat neighbors on SW 97 Place in Miami, Florida, could yank it away as soon as they went down by a couple TDs.

Little Professor (1976)
Was this really a game? Wasn't it just a calculator with a little cartoon man on it? At least he went on to a career of teaching housewives how to use "the 'puter."