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Jimmy Carter, Autographing Machine

Preacher, Naval officer, nuclear engineer, peanut farmer, governor, Nobel Peace Prize winner, furniture craftsman, and author Jimmy Carter was neither the greatest POTUS in history, nor history's greatest monster. But his new book, Our Endangered Values, looks like a chunk of genius from a powerful moral voice.

And Jimmy Carter is an autographing machine.

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At least that's what a young woman on the staff of Cody's in Union Square called him. Forty minutes after tickets had run out and his signing session was due to end, J.C. -- bless his heart -- was still scratching his Hancock inside every book that came his way. And come, they did.

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You know what else came, besides the spikey-haired lesbian in line in front of me? The blow-dried young political wannabes, out of the woodwork, a small army of young white men in suits and ties and American flag pins, circling like famished vultures, hovering for a chance to get a quick picture of themselves with J.C. in order to establish their Democratic bona fides.

Never trust a man wearing a pin.

Jarhead Comes to Hippietown

-- a memoir of a young Marine in the first Gulf War -- was the most entertaining book I read last year, a terrifying and illuminating view into the transformation of a young man from a Sacto military kid into a desert killing machine. So when an opportunity arose to see a preview of Sam Mendes' cinematic adaptation, followed by a Q&A with the author , I had to jump:

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The flick's a winner (my filmcritic.com review will post on Nov. 4, when Universal releases the movie), but I was really hoping to see some MoveOn-style sparks during the Q&A. The screening, after all, was not in a normal American place where people go to church and hold diverse opinions and barely have enough time to think between their jobs and their kids. No, this was Berkeley, right in the dead center of the UC campus, Ground Zero for the American anti-war ideology.

I have mixed feelings about the current war, but I respect people who don't, provided they've thought their opinions through. I often suspect, however, that most citizens on both sides of the issue haven't really bothered with that.

Many of those opposed to the war and now the ongoing occupation, for example, seem to have an obsession with validating their own opinions. And indeed once the lights came up, most of the "questions" seemed to be invitations for Swofford to denounce the war and maybe to take a couple digs at Halliburton or President Bush. The book and the movie, however, were about a Marine experiencing training and wartime, not geopolitical decisionmaking or profiteering.

From the moments I lay eyes on the woman standing in line for the microphone, I knew the evening was about to hit rock bottom. The wild curly hair, the bookworm glasses, the frumpy sweater adorned with slogan buttons -- she looked like a parody of some Berkeley Leftist Feminazi character as drawn by a loonie Renew America cartoonist. And to her credit, she played the role expertly.

"You know," Ms. Caricature began earnestly, a mournful tone to her voice, "on this tragic day when the 2,000th soldier was killed in Iraq, I was struck by the brutality that the Marines taught you given the current war that our leaders got us into..." And thus commenced two solid minutes of rambling Cindy Sheehanism, which concluded with the phrase, "and so I just wanted to know what you thought about all that, with the draft, and stuff."

Swofford had little to say in response, as the woman's rant hardly called for one. Talented writer and ex-grunt that he is, Berkeley just wasn't his scene. But he did patiently hang out and sign autographs. Nice guy, that Swoff.

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Update: From the Powells.com interview with Swofford:

There will always be core groups of pro-war and anti-war no matter what country we're going to invade. The gray group in the middle is where most of the smartest thinking and talking goes on, debating the situation and thinking it through.

Aaaaaaaa-men.

Learn Real Estate Investing from Scott Petersen's Girlfriend

Not really, but San Francisco's "Learning Annex," a casual education insitution that's currrently about 75% comprised of versions of "get rich in real estate with no money down," is offering this marvelous course of study:

An Evening with Amber Frey: Caught in Scott Petersen’s Web of Lies

*How to Change Stumbling Blocks Into Stepping Stones*

Amber Frey's life was full of blessings: an exciting new business, a beautiful home, and most of all, her infant daughter, Ayiana. But Amber had been through some unhappy relationships, and she longed for a true and loving partner. In November 2002, she went on a blind date with Scott Peterson [sic]. He was handsome, charming, thoughtful, and romantic. Best of all, he was single and ready to settle down… or so he said. Suddenly, a relationship that seemed full of promise turned into Amber's worst nightmare. [Yes, Amber Frey was really the most tragic figure in this case. Definitely Amber.] Her whole world was turned upside down in the process. She lost her privacy, as every detail of her life was scrutinized by the media, who couldn't seem to get enough of this tragic, heart-wrenching story. But she soldiered on, looking deep inside herself and drawing strength from her faith.

Join us for an exciting evening as Amber Frey talks about the circumstances surrounding her chilling experience. Learn how those experiences impacted her life and the changes they motivated her to create. Learn her story of forgiveness and faith, and of one woman's struggle to live with an open and honest heart.

In this life-changing seminar, Amber shares her most personal challenges and shows how all of us, no matter what circumstances we face, can call upon our inner strength to overcome life's most challenging obstacles. Learn how to: * Maintain a positive attitude through any crisis * Choose your battles and transform adversity into opportunity * Changing directions and setting new goals * Being resilient * Having faith and courage in yourself * Letting truth be your guide.

Amber will tell you how she has changed STUMBLING BLOCKS into STEPPING STONES and how you can also!

Amber Frey is the author [um, "author"] of Witness for the Prosecution of Scott Peterson which has been #1 on New York Times bestseller list. She is a Certified Massage Therapist. She has appeared on such programs as Dateline, Oprah, Fox News, Court TV and made numerous other appearances.

The Bad Guys Won

As if I needed to write for another blog, I've posted a review of Jeff Pearlman's The Bad Guys Won, a chronicle of the boozin', brawlin', wife-cheatin', amphetamine-poppin' bastards who comprised the 1986 New York Mets, over on Fishstripes.

Psst, Wanna Be a Film Critic?

Fivestarscov300_1 Book alert: Chris Null, editor and proprietor of filmcritic.com and author of the excellent teen-murder novella Half Mast, has now published the much-anticipated Five Stars: How to Become a Film Critic, the World's Greatest Job.

I zipped through an early edition from Sutro Press, and it's a truly marvelous guide to making your dreams a reality, without all the snobby film school bunk. It surveys the stuff you need to know to write credibly about movies, coaches you through the writing process, and even provides excellent tips on how to get your words published.

Plus, it quotes the lead to my review of the godawful The Alamo, for which I received the following fan emails:

Continue reading "Psst, Wanna Be a Film Critic?" »