Premature Nogging

As profoundly and unnervingly as our world is changing, one phenomenon is constant: Christmas Creep.

Should we even be surprised anymore that there exists such a thing as "Holiday Eggnog" with an expiration date of Nov. 14? Or that at least one and a half gallons had already been purchased before Halloween? This is what Jesus died for?

Also, Santa Claus is not a funny Halloween costume, Hipster Scum.