"He wasn't a ninja," Guglielmi said.
This one's really been making the rounds. Thanks to alert Baltimorean Josh as well as my stupid sister for alerting me to it.
Have you ever been burgled? It's a stuff kick in the gut that leaves you with dreadful feelings of violation and powerlessness. Knowing that someone's been in your house, dug through your stuff, and taken whatever shiny things struck his fancy... not a great source of dopamine.
Well, somebody broke into Johns Hopkins undergrad John Pontolillo's house on Sunday and stole a couple laptops and a videogame console. So John wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind when he heard another intruder mere hours later.
John did what many Americans would do -- he grabbed his samurai sword and stabbed and sliced the perp to death.
The police spokesman said the student who wielded the weapon had no advanced sword training. "He wasn't a ninja," Guglielmi said. "He may have been moderately trained or on the intermediate level."
Let that be a lesson, burglars. Even Baltimore's chubby, Old Bay-snorting non-ninjas wield their steel with lethal effectiveness (and we're not even including Ray Lewis). In fact, Charm City has a history of sword kills going back almost 20 years. It's a wonder Baltimore even has crime at all anymore.