Barack Obama Lacks the Guts to Out-Retard Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton, I congratulate you on finally unveiling the winning strategy that you were saving for when you needed it most. This is your super-secret power combo move. And it's a beauty: You're not just assuming Americans are stupid, but also that they're bitter and distrustful of smart people.

The gambit: Pick a gut issue, and then denounce every learned person who calls bullshit. It worked for Bush Sr. in '88 when he asked Americans to look deep in their hearts and ponder "What problem does Mike Dukakis have with the Pledge of Allegiance anyway?" It worked for Dubya in '00 and '04 when he said... well, pretty much everything.

So why not steal from McCain (who stole from Dole) on this gas tax holiday? And then when every economist in the world says it won't do anything except increase oil company profits, go all Colbert on those nerds:

Clinton Dismisses "Elite" Economists on Gas Tax Plan

Clinton raised questions about Obama's ability to connect with working-class Americans while dismissing economists who have said her plan to suspend gas taxes over the summer would do little good.

"I'm not going to put my lot in with economists," Clinton said when asked to name an economist who backed her proposal.

"We've got to get out of this mind-set where somehow elite opinion is always on the side of doing things that really disadvantage the vast majority of Americans," said Clinton.

The cynicism is breathtaking. "How can Obama connect with ordinary Americans when he won't lie to them like I will?"

Hillary's always had this in her. Remember 2005, when she sponsored -- not just supported, but sponsored -- a bill that would make desecrating an American flag a federal crime?  And Hillary knows Barack Obama doesn't have the stomach to play this game.

Well, Barack, I've got your back. And so in order to keep up with the Idiocracy Express, I recommend you take on the following policy positions with great urgency:

• Replace the Smithsonian Museum of Natural Science with the No-Reading Museum of God's Six-Day Creation
• Define marriage as one man and one woman, except on Indian Reservations, which will now be renamed "Homo Blackjack Camps"
• Move election day to Thursday so coverage of returns don't interfere with Dancing with the Stars
• Four-day workweek and free ice cream for everyone
• What the hell, set the price of gas to $0.05/gallon. Shit, make it free. Sure, some smart people might predict utter devastation, but what have they ever done for America?

Barack, you thought you could win with honesty and integrity. Sucker.

Comments

[jjm]

The Economist said it very well.
http://www.economist.com/world/na/displaystory.cfm?story_id=11050128&CFID=4404181&CFTOKEN=62416223

[jjm]

Reposting using html this time - here tis

[lux]

I have a big smile on my face tonight, after the NC and Indiana results have been tallied.

Hillary may not call it off tomorrow, but the tolling bell of the inevitable is getting louder and louder. It's not going to be much longer.