Dirty Sanchez

With loved ones, co-workers, and friends still shocked by the heroism of James Kim and the tragedy of his miscalculations, CNN is doing the only thing it can to honor his memory -- sending Rick Sanchez to survive in the mountains.

For those familiar with Sanchez's histrionics in the '80s and '90s on Miami's Fox and NBC affiliates, seeing his mug on CNN ("The Most Trusted Name in News") is a brutal shock to the nervous system. Imagine being from Cleveland and seeing Carl Monday named editor of Harpers. Or being from L.A. and seeing Mark Fuhrman nominated to be Ambassador to the United Nations. Or being from

That's what seeing Sanchez on CNN is like. It's a taint on the institution. And by "taint," I don't just mean "stain" or "moral defect," I mean the "smelly ridge of skin just south of the genitals." And Sanchez has been exactly the tapdancing fool that CNN ordered up, with a body of work that includes trying to escape from a sinking car and taking an on-air tasering.

I have one Rick Sanchez memory that I'd like to add to the Internet, since my Google searches for it have been unfulfilled. During his tenure anchoring the prime newscasts on Miami's Channel 7, Sanchez dominated the Miami New Times "Least Credible TV News Personality" category in its annual Best of Miami issue. After Sanchez ran off a Jordan-esqe dynasty of victories in the category, the New Times staff restored parity in the most appropriate way -- by disqualifying him and naming the award after him. I'm not sure how long they actually stuck with it, but in all honesty, it's hard to imagine anyone deserving of a "Rick Sanchez Award" besides the Ricker himself. Maybe Geraldo Rivera, but he's a Hall-of-Famer.

Now Sanchez is heading for the hills -- albeit the Rockies, not the coastal Sierras -- in order to experience the conditions that killed James Kim. How tasteful. I'm rooting for a bear.