The collective consciousness of college football fandom shuddered in horror minutes before Saturday's Cal-Tennessee broadcast. Maybe you felt it, too, when America heard the following sentence on ESPN: "Now I turn it over to my partner Paul Maguire."
But if you thought that was the freshest Hell wrought by the unholy ESPN family this holiday weekend, then you must have missed the weak-side corner blitz on the brain that was the split-screen Miami-Florida State broadcast on ESPN2HD (a.k.a "the Ocho").
Warning, if you are pregnant or prone to violent seizures, you should not click on this picture to gaze upon its awful detail:
As I twitched uncontrollably from this video assault from The Future, I almost missed when Edgerrin James matter-of-factly mentioned to sideline reporter Holly Rowe, "Our mentality here at Miami is three-years-and-out."
Look at that. Those are ten camera angles -- one game cam, one skycam, two receiver isolation cams, two QB cams, two coach cams, and two fan cams -- all crammed into one screen.
Once my eyes stopped bleeding and the panic attacks had ceased, I was stricken with a sudden sense of... deja vu.
Where had I witnessed a similar mindcrime before? Let me check the Tivo... Oh yeah.
Back in May, the Wonder Showzen gang's decision to enter a historic screen-sharing deal with the Bootleg Wonder Showzen gang resulted in chaos, as profligating splinter groups demanded screen real estate to transmit their subversive messages of dark cynicism and despair.
Does Viacom have a lawsuit against Disney here, or what?
Better yet, do we American couch maggots have grounds for a class-action suit against Disney for distributing programming that, when consumed as intended, contributes to ADHD, paranoia, compulsive purchases of battery-powered disposable razors, and fascination with Jessica Simpson's lovelife?
God help us.