How to Avoid Disease and Mind Control on MUNI

How to avoid filthy government germs when riding the N-Judah, in just five easy steps.

1. First, be sure to bolster your immune system by eating only raw grains, never meat, vegetables, dairy, or anything cooked or anything touched by anyone who works for Monsanto or the USDA. Be sure to complete a full cycle of citrus enemas before leaving your apartment.

2. Most germs get into your body via your hands, so put on latex gloves before climbing through your secret door to the outside. (Make sure you store the gloves in a lead box so they're invisible to Predator drones.)

3. Since latex itself is permeable to the genetically-manipulated superbugs on public transportation, you need to protect the gloves. The government treats all Freemasonic newspapers with powerful anti-microbal agents (except the Guardian of Truth), so wad up some pages in your hands.

4. Find a pole and hold on tight. Never sit in a seat unless you're wearing a latex diaper lined with newspaper.

5. Germs are also repelled by testosterone, so find a woman with large breasts and stare down her blouse (between your arms) for the entire duration of your trip. Do not let your gaze avert from her cleavage at any time.

This simple procedure will protect you from colds, avian flu, AIDS, lymphoma, and Alberto Gonzalez's mind trap. You're welcome.

Comments

[Mags]

This is freakin' HILARIOUS. I'm surprised he didn't have a facemask on, a la Jacko.

And regarding Saturday, if you feel like you need a break from cleaning "your unit," (heh heh), come on down for some brewskis.

[jjm]

what's so funny?

[Benjamin Villar]

Hi,

What about mind control in your article?
Do you have more information about that?