Brody to the Max: Meredith's Lost Year

Meredith Brody, let me introduce you to San Francisco.

Back in July, I started quantifying your choices of restaurants to review from your perch at SF Weekly. And it hasn't been easy, reading about your film festivals and your vacations to Russia and your dad's poker habits and your shitty car battery and all that other crap you spew about before you ever get around to tasting the food. What kind of restaurant could even hang a "rave" of yours in their window?

But I really rely on Cedichou to wade through the self-absorbed muck you purport to be a restaurant column, allowing me to concentrate on the magical pie chart that shows where you decided to visit.

So here it is, the final breakdown. The grand tally for 2005. Click on it to see the detail, Meredith.

What you see there is a pie chart of the locations of the restaurants you "reviewed" this year. When you "reviewed" more than one establishment in a column, I assigned them a portion of the full "review." Don't be afraid: I spent about 12 minutes on this cumulatively.

Meredith, I have good news. While you spent most of the first half of 2005 among the Japanese tourists and recent college grads in the Ferry Building, Chinatown, North Beach, and the Marina, you managed to find Glen Park and even Western Addition in the second half. But you still spent 56% of your reviews on the high-tourist eastern neighborhoods, you mostly ignored the Mission, and you entirely missed the Sunset this year.

Meredith, you write for SF Weekly. This is what SF looks like. Note that it's a one-county peninsula, full of rich and interesting neighborhoods, most of which have at least a few excellent restaurants.

This is what your San Francisco looks like, Meredith.

The year is coming to an end, my dear. Since you obviously have pictures of your managing editor enjoying an orgy with a young Thai boy, a goat, and Rosie O'Donnell, I must presume that you'll back to slaughter more trees with your vapid prose in 2006. So this is a marvelous opportunity to start fresh and anew. With the map I've provided above (the correct one, not your version), a link to Citysearch, and some courage, may you discover the city and restaurants that San Franciscans enjoy.

And may you write about the goddamned food some time!

Happy New Year, Mer.

Comments

[cedichou]

Excellent post! Just amazing.

As for 2006: you must have read in her EoY column that she's going to/writing about Scott Howard (jackson@columbus, FUCKING NORTH BEACH) first thing in January.

So don't keep your hopes to high up on your nice feedback having an impact on her.

[Pepper]

That was scathingly brilliant. Props to you! Ya'll think she reads this? I sure hope she does.

I still think that the time she described meat as "metallic" and considered it a good thing was priceless ...

[Offal Lover]

Oh my god! This is hilarious.

[katya]

Just want to say that I rediscovered this page, and LOVE it. Hate, hate, hate her column and her rambling on nothingness and whatever arty film festival she's going to before she finally gets to the food halfway through the review.