It's Okay to Love Your TV. Just Don't LOVE Your TV

Stephanie Rosenbloom, who two weeks ago wrote the worst New York Times article since the Wen Ho Lee era, is back with a mildly amusing piece about people who choose to spend a weekend watching an entire TV show season on DVD.

Once again, however, Rosenbloom missed the main point of her own article quotes, which in this case is that men eventually come to ignore their declining libidos by sitting in front of the boob tube. It's surprising this theme went over her head, given her previously demonstrated gender consciousness.

Here's the tell in three quotes:

[A 31-year-old lawyer] once squeezed five full seasons of "Gilmore Girls" into two months... Such devotion means that every now and then he must decline an invitation to happy hour... "You make up a reason," he said, "because you can't say you're not going out on a Thursday night because 'I'm going to see how this 'Gilmore Girls' ends.' "

This is an attorney who is skipping happy hour to watch "Gilmore Girls." He's obviously single. Single attorneys go to happy hour primarily to pick up slutty women, but he's come to prefer the company of an un-sexy television show about females. Somehow I find this much sadder than if he had just played Everquest for two months.

Dave Kass, 28, who works in public relations in Manhattan and who used to watch "Real World" marathons on MTV with a girlfriend, recently purchased a digital video recorder, the better to enjoy marathons of favorite shows like "Deadwood," "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Entourage."

"My DVR is my new girlfriend," Mr. Kass said. "And she does whatever I tell her to do."

The poor guy's only 28, and he's already traded in his woman for HBO. Unfortunately, "Real Sex" is no substitute for real sex, because the former primarily consists of ugly people getting nasty with strawberry cakes or inflatable sheep.

Finally, the grand champion of virility lost:

Alan Cohen, 39, a journalist in Manhattan, agreed. "Lost" is the most recent show he watched continuously. He had missed most of the first season and did not want to start watching halfway through so he simply waited for the DVD box set to come out.

"There's something exciting - and probably tremendously sad - about finishing one episode of 'Lost' and knowing you've got another one all ready to fire up," he wrote in an e-mail message. "No more of this waiting-a-week-to-find-out hassle. It's like finding a cache of Playboys as a kid. One Playboy was cool, but it was so much better knowing you've got all these other Playboys on deck, ready to go."

So, male sexuality comes full circle -- from porno to awkward hookups to meaningful partnership to distracting non-intimate subsitution. It's like being 12 again, but you're the undersexed couch potato you used to laugh at.

The article, in sum, reminded me of an old Bobby Slayton joke: "At my age, I still like sex! But first, I want to see what's on cable."

Comments

[mags]

Hey, great post. By the way, I was all excited to meet you at the BARBARian gathering last night, but alas, you couldn't make it. Come to the next one!

[Pepper]

Oh, boy, do I feel bad for these guys. Then again, I watched all of the "Night Court" first season. However, I spread it out and did not become a shut-in, I swear!

[seamus]

Ha! Night Court. Richard Moll, Harry Anderson. John Laroquette. Markie Post. Selma Diamond.

I can't believe I remember those names. I'm going to have sex now.

[dalton]

Embarassing confession time. I, too, watched all five seasons of the Gilmore Girls within a very short time, thanks to Netflix. (Think 2 episodes per night, every night for a month)

The only upside to this story is that I did it with my wife.

[seamus]

Dalton, WHY? Is it that good?

[mlo]

We accidently TiVoed several episodes, and had nothing else to watch when we both had fevers last Xmas. I think we experienced a sort of "Gilmore Girls is my mommy" thing. Next you know, we're addicted.
And yes, it's pretty good.

[JohnQPublic]

I admit that I too got stuck in the downward spiral that is Gilmore Girls. I've gotta say though, it's actually very well written and clever. Better than most of the drech that's out there. You should try it Seamus.

[Schopenhauer]

"Gilmore Girls" may be clever and well written JohnQPublic, but that doesn't mean it isn't very, very gay. How much can a dude really identify with a show about a teenage girl and her complex relationship with her mother? Come on dude.