Jan Wahl's Failed Audience Uprising

Jan Wahl isn't a film critic. She's a gimmick. Known for her big hats and wide... personality, Wahl is part of the stable of irritating characters on local indie (formerly NBC) station KRON-4.

As a "celebrity," Jan knows people, and she expects a certain quality of personal handling. And so it was last night, at the press and promotional screening of War of the Worlds at the AMC Kabuki, that Jan tried -- and failed -- to lead an audience revolt.

Granted, we were all a little annoyed that the theater -- at the behest of Dreamworks, no doubt -- made us check our briefcases and purses at the theater door. (Sorry, Sanchez, I'll get your bootleg next time.) And we were especially annoyed that they requested we sign a release holding no one but ourselves responsible if some nefarious popcorn slinger ran off with our wallets and cell phones while we were enjoying this awesome, awesome flick. But this is the era of BitTorrent after all, and we'll learn how to manage this new level of security, like we've learned to manage the United terminal at SFO. (Besides, you didn't have to sign the damn form. I didn't.)

But Jan -- whose website graciously informs you that she's "your favorite movie critic" -- wasn't having it. Moments before the lights went down, she stood up from her reserved seat and started hollerin' for everyone's attention. She then set her Shrill-O-Tron to "stun," and off she went, screaming and yelling about the atrocious burden that Dreamworks had foisted upon her us. They can't treat us this way! We're all in this together! Viva la revolucion!

Whatever. After 30 seconds of attempting to work up the audience about the security, she paused for reaction. A handful of people applauded, most murmured in amusement, and a few even heckled. It was like the unpopular asthmatic kid in fifth grade telling a joke in front of class -- even if it were funny, no one would want to laugh. People just didn't care that much.

Jan, who thought Mystery, Alaska was robbed in the 2000 Oscars noms and recently declared Miss Congeniality 2 "fabulous", was all grumbly after the screening, too. War of the Worlds left the audience breathless; all we heard were raves, except from Jan, who was still worked up about checking her precious bag and, I assume, from the complacency of her fellow movie-goers.

So much for the Revolution of the Gimmicky Hat.

Update: The review of War of the Worlds is up. Loved it.

Update: Jan Wahl responds. She claims she didn't call Miss Congeniality 2 "fabulous," which means that KRON mis-paraphrased her on their site. It currently says "Sandra Bullock returns in Miss Congeniality 2, which is not as good as the first one, but still fabulous, Jan says." Apparently, the KRON site is now being updated to reflect what she actually said on air, which was "not as good as the first one, but it's light and fun and a few laughs are thrown in." The Republic sleeps soundly tonight.

Comments

[PODGERS]

Dude, you got boing boing cred!

Now and forever my hero...

Your guy,
Marc Podgers Johnson

[Mike K.]

First off:

I might not agree with her methods, but I agree with the sentiment. Any bag I might be carrying into a theatre is filled with my personal belongings. I'm a student, and I often travel with a $3000 Apple Powerbook. No way in hell would I leave that with the coat-check minions, and no theatre has the right to refuse me entry for carrying my *laptop* with me.

Secondly: Bittorrent. Am I *ever* getting tired of entertainment industry types blaming the freakin' protocol. Bittorrent is not a filesharing network. It's a file transfer protocol. Albeit more efficient than FTP or HTTP, it's in the same league. Why stop at blaming Bittorrent? TCP/IP itself must be fucking evil too, since all the traffic on the internet is sent via TCP/IP, and we all know those internet people just trade movies.

BAN TCP/IP NOW! SAVE THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY!

[a]

weak.

[b]

so your whole point is, dont try to make a startement about something that is truely lame if you are a geeky fat lady? nice.

Not quite. The point is she thought that a hugely popular celebrity such as herself would successfully arouse people's anger, but I think most people didn't know who she was or didn't much like her, and also didn't care that much about checking their bags. -seamus

[simon]

I think that the comment is that she should have said something when they made her check her bag. Starting trouble right befor the movie shows is rude to all of the other viewers and for maximum reaction.

[AkiraXXX]

It is sad that a so noble a quest was not lead by someone with the people skills to pull it off. I can name several quests that I'd consider more noble, but I can appreciate her anger in this case. I would have LOVED to see everyone walk out. Hmmmm.... what's next? I know: We demand the removal of network logos perpetually emblazoned on our tv screens during TV shows (but, oddly enough, NOT commercials). Too bad. If you can't fire people up for a cause in San Francisco, we're pretty much toast in this country.

[Joe]

Does the theatre have the right to refuse you entry for any reason they want?

Yes. Additionally, the invitations to the screening disclosed the no-bags rule. The rule sucked, but they did inform us in advance. -seamus

[Waldo Jeffers]

"Hey, she's not popular! Let's not support her just cause and REALLY teach the world a lesson! We'll sit down, shut up, and do what we're told - nobody will ever see it coming!"

Good going, good going.

[ste3ve]

If she were a paying customer who was told after buying a ticket that she couldn't bring her bag in, I'd feel some sympathy. As it is, she's a shill for the movie distributors whose invitation to the free screening told her ahead of time to leave the bag at home. She needs the movie screenings; the distributors need the reviews; I would guess that most of the movie-going public doesn't really care if she has to leave her lipstick at the coatcheck.

[ditty bag]

I believe the real issue here is the smuggled-in 12 lb bag of Raisenettes from Walgreens that had to be neglected for 2 hours...
That is the theater manager's real concern too. Once you've paid for your seat, he cares less about the crappy pirating attempt and more about his snack bar profits.

[mattymatt]

oh man. that's freaking hilarious. of all the reasons to get mad at a theater -- dirty screens, overpriced tickets, projecting movies in pan & scan, bad seating, half an hour of pre-movie ads -- she sure picked a weak case. this is as close as you can get to DYKWIA without actually saying it. can't wait to read her review.

[Scott]

Man, someone find me a the clip where Tarantino tore into the douchebag. I like the KRON4 News, but Wahl is just out of touch with reality.

[Tom D.]

I've always felt that Ms. Wahl was just a little too full of herself. The gimmickery of the hats just totally sucked to begin with. Add on top of that the voice from hell and the Baskin/Robbins body and you have Jan Wahl! Jan, take a clue, there really are better jobs for you in this world. I don't trust critics and never have. For the most part they all have egos far larger than the stars they are critiquing. And the fact that she, in particular, can barely manage to give a decent review without having to gush or fawn over some over exposed piece of crap from Hollywierd is just amazing to me.

Now on to Tom Cruise... Mr. Cruise, I would like to hear about the movie you are in. I do not wish to hear about your views on drugs, someone who is having a problem, what I should know, and what you know... Don't even get going on that scientology garbage and psudo-science. Save that for your website. If I choose to follow your links, it's my fault. To the rest of you - Peace Out! (ain't that sickening too?)

[Fred X. Quimby]

Well, it's not like they were singling her out. After all, even Jack Valenti had to check his colostomy bag.

[Gareth Stack]

So because you don't agree with her movie critiques (which I agree sound trite), and believe her to be bigheaded, her criticism was unjustified? Give me a break. Do you Americans, who's country was established, lets not forget, via a revolution, have an antiestablishmentarian bone in your bodies?

Little by little they take your freedoms away, it starts with cameras in the streets, then they 'tighten security' by allowing random stop and search, then they change the rules to allow a search (essentially a break and enter) of your house without a warrant. How much more does authoritarianism need to push before you wake up? It's like boiling a frog, and at this rate your country will be cooked before your aware you're in the water.

I agree that this particular act of control was a minor revocation of liberty. I disagree that it was insignificant.

[exboy]

Then they came for the shallow, narcissistic, annoying local news movie critics, and I did not speak out because I was not a shallow, narcissistic, annoying local news movie critic.

[Cranston Snord]

Sorry, folks. Jan Wahl was right - and anyone one who doesn't see that is part of the problem, not part of the solution. While security at an advanced screening might need to be so tight that bags must be checked with the theatre, NO ONE should have signed a release form absolving both studio and theatre of responsibility for keeping the bags safe.

They had an obvious duty of care - unless you happen to live in the United States where one can be forced to sign away their rights in a legally enforcible contract.

No one should have signed. Then you all should have bucketed both studio and cinema in your newspaper columns.

Dolts.

[Stu]

FYI: It's Paramount, not DreamWorks

[John]

Dude, you thought she was annoying in the theater?? I once had to sit next to this damn woman on a six hour flight!!!

[seamus]

Stu, it's Dreamworks and Paramount together. I just felt like picking on Dreamworks since it's Spielberg's studio.

http://www.waroftheworlds.com/

[Laura]

For the screening I went to, the tickets said in large letters, "Absolutely no cell phones, backpacks, purses, etc." So I just left mine in the car.

[Josh B]

While I am also sick of corporations taking away our rights little by little this is a different story altogether. If it was your average every day movie goer I would be pissed off. But this is a private, preview of the movie before its even been released.

These are invited guests, who didn't have to pay and were warned in advance. You cant get much nicer than that. You either agree with the terms or you stay home not a hard choice either way.

The problem I have is that they made people sign a form waving their rights. That my friends is bullshit. Its one thing to ask people to leave their bags in the car, its quite another to ask people to give up their rights. I mean that piece of paper might as well have said "anyone is allowed to steal your stuff and you cant do shit"

And thats the sort of abusive power we see in the movie indusrty these days.

[tomax]

thanks for being a cheerleader for fascism just because you hate the fat obnoxious lady that's willing to stand up for your rights.

Which rights would those be? Please let me know; I can't locate my pocket copy of the US Constitution! -seamus

[will]

I was the "unpopular asthmatic kid in fifth grade". Why does everyone pick on asthmatics and kids with allergies. If you'd said "the unpopular black kid" or "unpopular gay kid" you'd be considered offensive. But picking on asthmatics is okay? Well guess what, this unpopular asthmatic grew up to be six feet tall, two hundred and thirty pounds of muscle, gorgeous wife, three kids, and a screenwriting career. So fuck you.

Wow. You really showed those 10-year-olds! Keep reaching for the stars, champ. -seamus

[PPP]

That is hilarious. One of those moments when you are caught between feeling sorry for someone and laughing at them. Laughter always wins in my case.