And here are some of the joys of singing karaoke at a joint that has the good sense not to censor its lyrics. We're all grownups here, right?
And sometimes when the lyrics were clean, the image juxtaposition really made everyone's night:
Sadly, I was too busy singing along to capture any shots of "Dick in a Box." Next time.
Japanese TV is awesome. That’s a problem when you’re there, because it can make it hard to get out of your hotel room and into the fascinating, frenzied world outside.
One of the ingenious programs I remember when I last visited (2005) was a game show called "Dead Age.” I speak slightly less Japanese than your average dead Pensacolan, so I had figure out the rules from context.
The gist: Two comic actors introduce each round of the game with a sketch that takes place in an office. Each sketch ends with the co-workers joking over a head shot of an older famous person. After the sketch, the game show contestants must guess the age of the youngest person surveyed who knew who that old celebrity was.
For some reason, this game show came to mind when I saw this poster hanging in the window of Taco Del Mar in San Francisco:
"Gilligan’s Island" ran 1964-1967, but lived on in syndication well into the 1980s. Pretty much anyone who grew up the USA during that period could sing the theme song if you spotted them "Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale…," and they’d certainly get the sexy joke that Taco Del Mar has plastered on its in-store merchandising.
But you’d be hard pressed to find an episode of "Gilligan’s Island" to watch in the last 15 years, even in the wasteland of basic cable. Would someone under 21 know their Mary Ann from their Ginger? Is Taco Del Mar’s joke lost on a younger crowd? (Does Taco Del Mar care?)
Gen X may be the last generation to know the pop culture of previous generations. We enjoyed the last pre-digital childhood, when computers were luxury items and connecting to others by keyboard meant typing a letter on a Selecrtic. Video and audio were discovered and consumed on analog devices at the same time everyone else watched and heard them.
What this meant was that our televisions, especially independent UHF stations and off-prime-time slots, were loaded with old shows. As a kid of the '80s, I not only watched the Neilsen hits, but also ancient favorites like "The Little Rascals" (1930s short films), wartime Bugs Bunny cartoons (1940s), "I Love Lucy" (1951-1957), "Leave It to Beaver" ('57-'63), "The Flintstones" ('60-'66), "Bewitched" ('64-'72), "Laugh-In" ('68-'73), "The Streets of San Francisco" ('72-'77), and anything else a bored kid might like.
(I could add that time filters pop culture in strange ways. Neither "Gilligan’s Island" nor the immortal "Star Trek" were hits in 1966. Among the top 10 shows that season were CBS’s Tuesday night powerhouse block of "The Red Skelton Hour" and something called "Daktari.")
It’s all different now. Today’s college kids grew up digital, and they hardly bother to distinguish between a broadcast and cable TV network. Hundreds of channels mean hundreds of demographically microtargeted programs. Would a 10-year-old today want to see an episode of "Cheers," much less "Gilligan’s Island"?
In other words, the Dead Age for all cultural references may be drifting older and older. Most Gen Xers know many of the cultural icons of the '50s onward. How many Gen Yers knew anything about Farrah Fawcett before the day she died? Will the Millennials know anything from the Reagan years? (Kids, he didn't really win the Cold War.)
This isn't trivia. America has precious few shared cultural conventions. As our country has diversified and three television networks exploded into a billion websites, the “now” dominates, and the “then” is mere curiosity (or nostalgia, if you experienced it the first time). Additionally, the relevance of “now” is approaching Warhol’s 15-minute model. Besides perhaps "American Idol," there’s hardly a pop culture franchise with the broad cachet of yesterday’s hits. The other options just didn’t exist back then.
CBS canceled "Gilligan’s Island" 42 years ago. Only three of its seven principals are even still alive. So if we can try to imagine a “Ginger & Mary Ann” equivalent for 2051… we can’t.
This may not seem like it would mean much for anyone except Taco Del Mar’s copywriters. But as time passes, we'll find it harder to relate to our fellow citizens on a pop culture basis. And really, what other culture do we have anymore?
In previous episodes of America's Steel Menace, we've covered the astonishing prevalence of sword violence across our tired, crumbling nation.
But perhaps we've missed another consequence of the blade against our national throat: wacky suicide FAILs.
The air bag. They always forget the air bag. Whatever happened to seppuku?
"Earl, Comcast hired our agency to develop their SF Pride campaign."
"Cool, Jim. But what does Comcast have to be proud of?"
"Ha ha. I guess you haven't heard. 'Pride' is shorthand for being proud of being gay or lesbian. Or bisexual. Or something that starts with T... transvestites, maybe?"
"Weird. I thought transvestites were gays. Anyway, I didn't know that about the word 'pride.' Does that also mean straights can't say it anymore?"
"No, it's not like that, it's just... Let's focus, Earl. We need a slogan for Comcast's transport ads. This slogan is going to appear all over the Bay Area's buses and trains."
"OK, so we want show what Comcast is selling, but also that they specifically want gay customers."
"That's right, Earl. So, you're the Diversity Guy. What do gays like?"
"Dick."
"Who?"
"Well, I don't think I know any gays, but from what I see on Mind of Mencia, they seem to like dick. And balls."
"OK, let's go with a dick joke. Comcast will be pleased."
Wow, all the crazies are really coming out of the woodwork these days, with their rifles, and their rage, and their chopped-n-screwed worldviews.
Imagine how much worse it would be if America wasn't short on ammo. Maybe America needs to implement Chris Rock's "bullet control" idea. Yes, a $5,000 tax per round. ("Man, I would blow your fuckin' head off, if I could afford it... You better hope I can't get no bullets on layaway.")
Yesterday's maniac was Mr. James W. Von Brunn, a man almost too old to be on 60 Minutes, who brought the National Mall to a standstill by walking into the Holocaust Museum and firing a rifle indiscriminately, killing a security guard.
Thanks to the Information Superhighway, we now know that Mr. JWVB was a genius, a Mensa member, an artist, a WWII vet, and an accomplished author. His magnum opus was a 189-page "racialist guide to the preservation and nurture of the white gene pool" titled KILL THE BEST GENTILES, which is really a run-of-the-mill screed about the Jewish/Illuminati/banker conspiracy to destroy Western Civilization by browning it like Manwich meat.
I made it to page 12, where JWVB describes how Marxist Jews perverted the Constitution to extend the franchise to intellectually inferior darker people and women:
The Founders also wanted a government in which the
supreme power lies in the People. The Founders knew, however,
that in this very imperfect world intelligent and capable
people are always outnumbered by the unintelligent and incapable.
Ergo, the majority vote nullifies the intelligent vote. The
Founders also knew that the masses are easily controlled by
unscrupulous, ambitious men. Therefore, in their wisdom
the Founders created a Republic with strong checks and balances
— NOT a DEMOCRACY — knowing that Democracy
is intended to destroy the freedoms it presumes to
protect. Accordingly, the franchise was held so precious that it
was limited to White men deemed capable of exercising
responsible votes.
Well, okay. This part is pretty much true. Jefferson was a slaver, and California's experiments with real democracy have led it straight to the gates of Hell.
But how about those White Men voting responsibly?
Yeah, I thought so.
Meanwhile, the Right Wing kookosphere is trying to paint Von Brunn as a leftist. Good luck with that.
***
Meanwhile, the unstable-but-not-likely-to-massacre sub-wing of the Right Wing is still represented fully and impressively by the trio of attorneys at Powerline. Today, guest blogger Paul Rahe deconstructs this photo of Obama chatting with Benyamin Netanyahu as a "fuck you" to the Jews.
Some in the Israeli press have interpreted the release of the photograph as an expression of contempt, intended for Arab consumption, inspired by the hurling of a shoe at President Bush in Baghdad some months back.
Far-fetched thoough these fears might seem, I suspect that these Israelis are not being hypersensitive. Barack Obama has a history of belittling his adversaries in just such a fashion. In April 2008, he was caught on tape during a debate with Hillary Clinton, rubbing his hand across the right side of his face and extending his middle finger in an obscene gesture that many in the audience could see it but she could not, and when this provoked laughter on the part of his supporters he responded with a knowing smile.
Later, after accepting his party's nomination, he did precisely the same thing during a debate with John McCain; and, after Sarah Palin remarked at the Republican National Convention that the only difference between a pit bull and a soccer mom was lipstick, he observed at a rally that a pig with lipstick is still a pig. Again, many in the audience caught the dig and they, too, were rewarded with a knowing smile.
Obama is, in fact, a master of the insulting gesture.
Blogs like Powerline obsess about the press, the liberals, and the liberal press only seeing what they want to see about Obama. They're right, some of the time.
Meanwhile, blogs like Powerline don't appreciate the irony of seeing face scratches as calculated 5th-grade-style insults.
At least this kind of petty shit isn't enough to make a man load his gun. Right?
Wow.
Growing up in Miami, I hated Jose Canseco.
In the late '80s Canseco's popularity in South Florida was probably second only to Gloria Estefan. He was, after all, a Cuban immigrant who went from Coral Park High to the Big Leagues. In '86, he won the AL's Rookie of the Year award while playing for the Oakland A's, and two years later became Major League Baseball's first ever 40/40 man.
South Florida went nuts for Jose. They named streets after him. The biggest assholes on my school bus declared him to be God. They all effectively ignored that he represented both all that was wrong with the '80s and all that was wrong with his hometown.
Jose was, without dispute, a huge dick. He endangered the community he claimed to love by piloting his Jaguar around it at 120 mph. He went on Arsenio and spent five minutes listing his accomplishments and making his case for historic greatness. He made an egomaniacal ass of himself everywhere he went.
It's been a pleasure to see his decline and fall over the past decade, including his blowing out his arm attempting to pitch, his much-mocked batshit advocacy for 'roiding, his brutal divorce, his foreclosure, and now this:
Canseco lasted just 77 seconds against the gigantic Hong Man Choi. And so ends his MMA career.
Granted, Hong Man Choi is a mean mofo. But, more importantly, so is karma.
Let's play a game.
I'm thinking of a product you can buy in any market or drug store. Its primary value proposition is its clinically proven powers to reduce your cholesterol. This product has been available over the counter for almost 70 years, and it's consumed by both toothless babies and dentured octogenarians.
What am I thinking of? Any guesses? You're not getting any hints.
***
Just three weeks after the FTC rammed Kellogg's for claiming that sugary Frosted Mini-Wheats make kids smarter, the FDA has come after General Mills for how it packages Cheerios.
In essence, the FDA said, if you're going to market Cheerios like a drug, then we're going to regulate it like a drug.
While it may seem obvious that substituting whole grain oats for the usual donuts and Sausage McMuffins would lower one's cholesterol, apparently Cheerios are really statins.
Ask your doctor if Cheerios are right for you. Side effects include farting and starving for lunch by 10am.
Young Jim Morrison was dinged by Florida State University because FSU couldn't make enough room for him.
What a tragedy. Just think of what Jim could have accomplished with that degree.
If I might break away from my typical cynical grumbling for a moment, I'd like to say something nice: The first four months of the Obama Era have been extraordinary. The change has been as radical as expected, and while our new president isn't doing everything right, the most serious change has been doing anything at all.
Yesterday's pro-active capitulation of the Health Care-Industrial Complex is case in point. Leaders of America's largest health care corporations and associations stepped up and said, "We're going to try to rein in cost increases." While some on the left are decrying this as mere PR by a private industry trying to maintain its profitability, this move by Big Healthcare is utterly striking. You couldn't imagine anything like it occurring in any industry under the asleep-at-the-wheel stewardship of the Bush-Cheney years.
For the first time in 15 years, health care is hot again. (It was still only lukewarm during the Medicare drug benefit debate a few years ago.) Which is, of course, reminding us of "HillaryCare," perhaps the most frustrating public policy debate since the Reagan years.
This is how I remember it: After Bubba wins the election, he puts Hillary in charge of health care policy. She convenes a panel of experts, hold a few hearings, and then go behind closed doors to pound out a plan. They emerge with nothing short of a real healthcare system, which America has always lacked. Republicans attack it sight unseen, which turned out to be their exact strategy. Creating a healthcare system means creating a management structure, which also looks like a giant government bureaucracy. The plan fails.
In desperation, Senate Dems try to get symbolic targets like "90% coverage" into bills. Those fail, too. It all fails. A few months later, Democrats are swept from office in the GOP revolution.
With Dems running the policy-making branches of government for the first time since '94, healthcare is back. And so are our memories of the last time that we tried to fix this horrifying non-system of ours.
Since '94, things have only gotten worse. Healthcare is now more than 1/6 of our total economy. The rest of the advanced world gets 100% coverage, no insurance burden on employers, no medical bankruptcy, higher life expectancy, and lower infant mortality, all for about half of what we spend here. We oddly support an expansive Medicare system (a giant medical bureaucracy) while we fear creating any sort of real system for everyone else. We prefer skyrocketing premiums and hidden costs to anything that smells like "taxes." Or so they tell us.
And then we have our friends Harry and Louise.
Harry and Louise are one of America's great political myths. They were the stars of a paid campaign by the Coaltion for Health Insurance Choices, itself a front group for the insurance industry. In a series of ads, Harry and Louise moped around their kitchen fretting about the government assigning them a new doctor, and a faceless idiot Washington bureaucrat deciding which procedures are covered. (As opposed to their employers' insurance companies telling them which doctors they could go to, and which procedures would be covered.) Harry and Louise turned American opinion against the Clinton plan, and health care reform was dead forever.
Or so I've heard. I never saw a Harry and Louise commercial, and neither did anyone else I talked to back then. In fact, few people saw the ads at all, except in the TV news reports that covered the debate. The campaign targeted deeply anti-government audiences like Rush Limbaugh's, and saturated markets where national media opinions were formed (primarily two cities on the eastern seaboard).
In the past two weeks, as health care reform has heated up again, the media has rediscovered its own myths about Harry and Louise. Their role in the HillaryCare debate of '94 has been elevated to that of Archduke Ferdinand's in starting World War I.
Will we see another anti-reform campaign? Undoubtedly. Obama's plan is to create a public insurance option to cover the uncovered, while preserving the current employer-based system. (The New Yorker had an excellent analysis of how we reach universal coverage given our current conditions and traditions.) The long-term hope -- or fear, depending on your perspective -- is that the public system will effectively control costs and ration care. What does that mean for private insurers down the road? It's scary for them -- and for Dittoheads, teabaggers, and other anti-government types -- to contemplate.
And they'll try to scare us, too. But doing nothing since '94 has only pushed our healthcare non-system deeper into decline. The cost issue is undeniable -- even right-wingers admit that health care may not be an unalienable right, but it's definitely too expensive.
This time, the "nothing" option isn't really an option at all.
Worst day care ever
This apartment dweller is actually talking about his many, many cats. Which is "SF WTF?" in its own way.
Recent Comments